Liar, Liar

For the first quarter of 2020 my doctor's office is doing a wellness challenge.   I went and weighed in for it today.   I am 4.8 pounds heavier than what my previous heaviest weight ever was.   I'm just making everything harder on myself.  I used to need to lose 40 pounds.  Then 50.  Then 65.  I'm now at 92.8 pounds that I need to lose.   I'm such a self-sabotager.   I don't think I mean to be.   It's really upsetting.   And I get the whole healthy at any weight and happy at any weight and ok at any weight thing.   But I'm not healthy.  And I'm not happy.  And I'm not ok.    I know what I look like when I'm ok.  I know what size reflection makes me happy.  I know what I feel like when I'm ok.    I'm not ok.  I am not happy. 

And I hate the fact that there's no one to blame but me.  I know what I'm eating.  I know how much I'm not exercising and yet... AND YET...  I find it so ridiculously easy to believe my own lies about what I'm doing and how much I'm doing and then saying to myself, "I don't know WHY it's not working."  When I know why.  But I believe my own lies that I don't know why. 

Why am I so totally ok with deceiving myself?   I'm not ok with deceiving anyone else.  I don't lie to other people.  Being called a liar ever is like the worst way to insult me because I'm not one.  But maybe being called one upsets me so much because I AM one?   Just to myself.   At any rate, I'm seriously disappointed.   

Doable Changes?

Alright, so coming up to the last 2 full days of the year, tomorrow and Tuesday, I'm starting to lay out what these four areas of focus for 2020 look like.  Or will look like. 

Write More -

I'm going to journal every day for at least 10 minutes.   That is pen to paper writing and will include anything from writing about the day, to doodling, to updating how I did that day with some new habits.   

I'm going to creatively write for at least 30 minutes a day and 3 of those days for at least an hour.  Short stories, book ideas, character ideas and descriptions, etc.  That is going to be computer writing unless I'm not home, in which case I'll use my phone or a notebook.

I'll post here minimum of 3 times a week.  I really just need to be writing as much as possible and it's got to be a priority.  I'm tired of writing being something I really want to do, yet make no effort to do so.  It's just dumb.  At least if I'm writing a ton, I know for once and for all if it's something I want to do or not.   This always saying I want to and then not doing it has gotten out of hand.

That's true for the next as well.

Weigh Less -

I'm going back to zumba for real.  Not just once.   I'll be going Tuesdays and hopefully Thursdays but I'm not going to beat myself up over Thursday.  If I try to do ALL THE THINGS at once, I'm going to fail miserably.   I'm also getting back to the gym though.  Minimum 2 days a week, ideally 3. 

Save More -

This is the one I still have to hammer out.   I'd love to just sit here and say "I'm going to save 15% of my pay." but that's probably not realistic.  On the other hand, it could be.  I need to really sit down and look at my expenses, my wasteful spending and my pay and see the most I can feasibly put away without having to deal with starvation, foreclosure or repossession.   Not one of those would make for a good time in 2020. 

I have little things I want to do, too.   Like read more.  Smile more.  Laugh more.  Crochet more.  Clean more  I just need to figure out how to bend time more.  Or become independently wealthy so I can stop my day job and just focus on becoming the best version of me.     

OH!   I almost forgot - which is just asinine since I spent like the last hour and a half before writing this doing what I'm about to say...

Social Media Less -

I seriously paired down my Facebook friends list.   And it was nothing personal for anyone that I removed.   But I feel like every day when Facebook tells me who all has birthdays that day for at least 1 person, I'm like, "Who?" but then I don't cut them that day because I don't want to be the person who unfriends people on their birthday.  Of course then I never go back and do it and the next year comes around and I just think, "omg, still??"  So I just sat down and anyone that I didn't remember interacting with, don't have a real interest in their lives or that I haven't known personally in my life I let go.   I also left all but a handful of groups including all the Eagles groups and all the Harry Potter groups because much as those are two of my passions, the groups themselves were just so very toxic.   I shut down a bunch of my old pages, too. 

I also removed Facebook from my phone and even when I pop on in the evening at my computer, I have a timer set within Facebook for 30 minutes max. 

So there's all 4.

Write more, weigh less, save more, social media less.   Almost ready for 2020. 

You heard it here first, folks...

Because my new planner says so.

Fast away the old year passes...

I cannot understand where 2019 went.   The time passed and I literally have nothing to show for it.  I'm another year older, everyone I love is another year older.  Our animals are all a year older and they age just oh so much faster than us that it's utterly distressing.

I had surgery.   I did do that.  But other than recovery, someone else did all the work in that.  I just had to survive it.  Or more accurately, survive until it.   Which I obviously did.   But that's it.  And that was in March.  Otherwise, when it came to doing stuff?  I just didn't do stuff.   I muddled through. 

I say the same stuff every flipping year, but I swear I'm going to do something (ANYTHING) with 2020.  I refuse to be sitting here with 3 days left in 2020 lamenting that I did nothing.   I mean, at least I have stuff scheduled.

In January, hopefully I'll get my vision to a place it's never ever been before.  In February, perhaps a sleep study, in April a trip to Texas, in September a 50th anniversary party for my parents, in October hopefully a vacation.   So I have STUFF TO DO.   But it's all those moments in between that I'm determined to make count in 2020.   Time is just passing.  Rapidly.   I think I need to stop just living and instead have a life I love.

I have things I want to do in 2020.   Things like wanting to write every day.   Not what I write here, but actual writing,  Not that this isn't writing, it is, but it's also just very stream of consciousness, which, while helpful to me is certainly not the most compelling to read, I would imagine.   But seriously, like 30 - 60 minutes a day of writing.  Probably on the computer because I type so much faster than I write.   But I want to write something, too.  Like pen to paper write.  I love to hand write things and as a society, we hardly get to do it anymore.   So I think maybe a daily journal for 10 minutes at the end of every day.   Plus here whenever the mood strikes.   Between those 3 outlets, that's more writing than I've ever done.   Not too shabby.   So mission 1.    Write more. 

I mentioned my parents' party above.   There will be a lot of people there I've not seen in a long time.   Like years.   And I'm hosting primarily - along with my aunt and brother - but the planning is all me, so I'm sure at some point I'll have to talk in front of everyone.   I would like to be happy with how I look while doing so.  I'd like people to think, "great speech" rather than "great speech, she's really gotten big".   Which maybe they wouldn't even think that.  But my thinking they would zaps away every modicum of self-confidence I have.  Plus then there's also the whole airplane seat thing.   I've not forgotten.   I want to get my act together and go to Zumba 1 - 2 times a week and the gym 2 - 3 times a week.  I just need to do it and that's really all there is to it.   So mission 2.  Weigh less.

I want to save money.   I haven't sat down and figured out the logistics of that with the new car and with what my pay may be next year and really crunched the numbers, so I don't know what that looks like, really.  Plus I have money going elsewhere, like for the party.   I need to get all those numbers sorted out and then make a savings plan.  So mission 3.  Save more. 

I want to really make an effort to dial down the toxic factors in my life.   Facebook - while it will never not exist in my life while it still is a viable platform fully - I'd like to pair it back.   A lot.  I don't know the best way to do that.   If it's to pair down my friends list to people I actually interact with, to pair it down to people I know in real life, I don't know.  I have many lovely, positive people in my life that I've never met in person that I wouldn't want to get rid of like they're not actual people just because I haven't met them.  I already unfriended or muted virtually everyone that talked about politics on both sides.  It was just too much.   Constantly.   Just no.   Anyway, I think I'm going to put my FB usage on a diet.   So mission 4.  Social media less. 

I need a place to keep track of these things.   I am terrible at using a planner, but I really don't know where else to keep track of 4 things that are so diverse.   In addition to those 4 things, I also want to do my part to get the podcast up and running with my BFF.  I also want to keep up with the house keeping so it's not a huge undertaking to get the house in order for someone to drop in who isn't going to drop in and if they do, they're not going to be coming in and it'll all be for naught = but it'd still be nice to not ever have to panic clean.  Panic cleaning is so ridiculously stressful.  So I need to figure that out.   Do I want a dated planner?  Do I want a blank notebook?  Do I want to do it bullet journal style?  Do  I want monthly calendars throughout?  Do I not want any monthly calendars?   Do I want them all grouped together at the beginning?  I just literally have no idea.   And don't even start me on size.  Because it does matter.   It all matters.   If it's not just completely perfect and 100% functional and 100% exactly what I need it to be, I won't use it.   Good enough will not compel me to keep up with it.  I assume I'll want a separate notebook for writing.   Because of course I will. 

And now i'm going to go to bed and try to figure this whole thing out tomorrow.   I'm fighting sleep and I want to go to bed.   So, I'm gonna. 

Misplaced Me

I'm feeling a little lost today. I don't know why. Yes, I do. I really want to write and yes, I understand that's what I'm doing right now. But I want to write stories. Stories that I will love. That people would love. I don't have kids and I'm not going to have kids which was a choice and I'm totally fine with it. I don't want kids. I think around Christmastime, though, it brings me down a little bit. However, 2 to 3 weeks out of 52 weeks a year is not a reason for me to have kids. There's 49 other weeks in the year to deal with. And while I like kids and think they're pretty cool and even love several that I know personally, having any of my own is just not something I have a desire to do. All that being said, something I do think about year round is since I don't have kids, what is going to still be around of me when I'm gone? Will there be anyone that remembers me? Thinks of me? Misses me? I mean, I'm not a complete narcissist, I don't think about it constantly. But it does cross my mind from time to time. It's not the only reason I want to write, but I definitely think it's part of it.

 I'm constantly thinking, "is there a story in there?" When I wake up from a crazy dream, the first thing I wonder is if it was coherent enough to make a legit story. When I had my hysterectomy, I thought about writing something called "The Hysterectomy Monologues" I didn't. I was too focused on the tremendous pain and trying to poop without busting like a thousand internal stitches. I kind of took that to not be very compelling stuff for others - though, believe me, to me it was riveting stuff - so I didn't do it.

 One thing about me. I am a complete sucker for Facebook and Instagram ads. You curse the fact you see ads all the time? Blame me. Because I'm the statistic that says they work and so they keep doing them. Last night? I bought like a little 2 inch by 2 inch music box that plays the Harry Potter theme. Not kidding. 11.95, it'll be here in a week or two. But these courses for Master Class have been coming up and one of them is Neil Gaiman. Hello? Neil Gaiman? Giving me tips on writing? Yes, please. It's $90. Not a ton. But it's Christmas and 3 family birthdays in December and I got a ticket the other day. Plus the new car.

 I just don't know. But I just want to write. And to be a writer I need to write. But there's something in my head that makes me feel like I can't just create a character and start writing and see where it goes. Like I have to have it all planned out first. Apparently, that's not how people write? And given that's what keeps me from writing, maybe that's something I need to get over.

 Clearly, I don't write these posts with any destination in mind. I didn't know I was going to venture all the way to pooping in this post. Or was one of them about ear hair? Something? I don't remember. But I just meander aimlessly through these posts and that seems to work out. Though I really don't know. I haven't looked to see if anyone is reading this. So it could just be awful dreck. It's not meant to be good. It's meant to be cathartic, I think?

 So to sum up. I worry about being forgotten and having left no mark in this world before my timer goes off. And I want to learn some tips on writing from an absolute genius in writing. So, that's where I am. Misplaced. I'll get found, I'm sure, but I've looked on the shelf that I'm typically kept and I'm not there. So the search is on.

Amy Reads - Ep. 2

I'm back for episode 2 of Amy Reads. This time she's... under the weather. I've been like completely sickish all week. I don't know what the what's going on but I'm over it. Even my squats have gone by the wayside, but I hope to be back at it tomorrow. I've got some stuff to do tomorrow so hopefully it'll be good. We drove like an hour and 20 minutes today to go to an old timey theater to see Elf which was lovely. 2nd favorite Christmas movie and all. (Hello White Christmas, I see you girl. We've got our usual date Christmas eve.)

 So I've read some stuff. The other post I mentioned I finished "The Miniaturist" by Jessie Burton. You know? I liked it. I enjoyed the entire book. Until the end. I have SO MANY QUESTIONS. I feel like the book isn't complete. I hope there's a second but I don't know that there will be. I don't have questions in a good way like after a thought provoking book where you're left with questions like, "could that really happen?" "IS that really happening?" "What would I do in that situation?" Those are good questions to be left with. Questions that aren't good to be left with? Any question that starts with "But what about?" For starters. Any question that starts that way? It's just not good. Like people who left the movie Order of the Phoenix who hadn't read the book first. My husband asked "but what about?" or "but how?" questions all the 25 minute drive home. And while I've ventured to the topic of JK Rowling, I will ALWAYS love Harry Potter. Joann's views one way or the other do not impact my love of Harry Potter in any way. I don't condone her comments. But with always love the characters and world she created and do find it odd that she doesn't seem to have learned the lessons that her characters taught. And I'm going to leave that there. So anyways, I recommend the book for the story. I don't recommend it if you like to understand anything that happened.

I also read the book "The Bookish World of Nina Hill" by Abby Waxman. This book was an absolute delight. Beginning to end. I was liking it but not in love until the main character is lamenting saying something awkward and her inner monologue is along the lines of "what am I going to say next? 'Gum would be perfection'?" And there it was. The book had me. Wrapped it's warm cozy arms around me and I nestled in to what instantly became a phenomenal book. The book was hot tomato soup with grilled cheese, goldfish crackers, cheesecake and hot cocoa while snuggled in a warm plush blanket while it snows big puffy flakes outside while having nowhere to go. Pretty much any book where the main character loves books is going to be aces with me.

 I'm currently reading "The Family Upstairs" by Lisa Jewell. I've not quite figured out what exactly is going on, but the story is being told by 3 different narrators. One who lived in a house, one who was taken from that house and one who knows about it. I, as the reader, know nothing. What I'm certain of is that at some point these 3 tales are going to join up somehow and I'm totally there for it and stoked. More on that once I finish it.

 I mentioned the Spencer Quinn books of Chet and Bernie previously, too, but I'll talk about them in maybe Ep. 3? We'll see. I'm going to go spend some time watching other people play Planet Zoo because I can't build for poo. Actually, and more accurately, I'm not patient enough to build better than poo. Patience is something I definitely need to work on in 2020.

I've Moved.... To Here

I've moved my butt saga to a more comfortable seat. I've had various blogs in blogger for forever and a day and it's like a nice soft pair of jammies. Broken in and comfortable and safe and easy. Today guys, today I had to do 55+60 squats. So, 115? (I was told there'd be no math. By me. I told me there'd be no math. And look. Math. Man, I'm a jerk sometimes. To me.) I forgot yesterday. I'm under the weather and stressed with having no phones at work and knowing that going in to still not having phones tomorrow is going to just absolutely suck. You would not BELIEVE how convoluted it is to get phone lines fixed. No one wants to take ownership. At this point it would just be faster to send me to school to learn how to fix phone lines and send me up in the truck to just do it. I hate when I need to get something fixed, but I don't have the ability to just get it done. So frustrating. So with just all that and not feeling well and sleeping a lot, I totally forgot yesterday. So I did yesterday's this morning and today's this evening.

 My boss just texted me though, because the weather tomorrow looks to be gross and so I might be working from home. Which a day home in those cozy, soft, worn, comfy, jammies? While probably still not feeling great? Can't say I'd be mad about it. They weren't metaphorical, those jammies I referenced above. I have them. I'm in them. I love them. They're luring me to bed.

 At any rate, I hope you've followed me here. Plus here, you don't have to create an account to comment. Not that anyone is going to comment. But if anyone was going to and didn't because of the obnoxiousness of having to create an account? Feel free to comment away. I can't even imagine how many times I have wanted to comment on someone's post somewhere and didn't because of having to jump through hoops to do so. Which sucks, because any creator wants to know what people have to say, and I denied them that. But you know what? I moved to a more reader friendly platform. I have all of your best interests at heart.

 I just listened to all of the album Little Earthquakes by Tori Amos. Such a great album.

 OH and I finished The Miniaturist. I'll talk about THAT when I do "Amy Reads - Ed. 2", maybe tomorrow - I have such thoughts about that particular disappointment. I'm getting ready to start The Bookish Life of someone or other. Um.. Nina Hill. The Bookish Life of Nina Hill. Also, my husband and I for many years now have been listening to the Chet and Bernie books by Spencer Quinn. I'll talk about those, too. We really, really both enjoy them very much.

 Ok. Enough. I was reminded that I wanted to look online to see other people's thoughts on The Miniaturist to see if I'm just insane or if it really did kinda blow. Ha! No pun intended. Which you wouldn't get if you didn't read it. Which I don't recommend you do. Just trust me that the joke is funny. Seriously.

 That's it. I'm out.

Could I Get Some Zzzzzzzzz's?

Originally posted December 10th, 2019 You know those old-timey stand up comedians... I just flew in from LA and boy! Are my arms tired! Well, I just did 40 squats and boy! Is my butt tired! All of me is tired, really. I'm not good at sleeping. Which is really sad because it's literally my favorite thing to do and I'm bad at it. But I really don't sleep well and sometime soon into the new year, after I get my fancy 20/20 vision, hopefully, I'm going to have a sleep study done. It's really affecting every aspect of my life, this bad sleep. I wake up absolutely exhausted no matter what time I go to bed. My husband says that I stop breathing multiple times a night and when I am breathing my whole body is working to do so. Not just normal inhaling and exhaling but like full body motion inhaling and exhaling. Which is probably why so many of my chest, back and arm muscles are always sore. You'd THINK I'd be ripped. So not ripped. But I get SO tired driving that sometimes when I get home from work, I end up falling asleep after parking in my driveway and about 20 minutes later I wake up and go in the house. This morning I got to work like 12 minutes early. I napped. It's just too ridiculous. Some days I'm just tired the whole duration of the day. Like today. Today I'm so tired that everything made me cry. I just hid in my office most of the day. I'm just over-tired. I thought after my surgery and having my blood level back at a functioning level, instead of my body having to choose between keeping my heart beating and digesting my food and being able to actually form a bruise again that I would feel better and have SO MUCH energy. And I just don't. I don't crave ice anymore, and obviously don't have cramps or hemorrhage two weeks out of every month anymore - all of which is great - seriously, I love not choosing where to get dinner based off how much I like the ice, but I'm not any more energetic than I was. So we need to get that sorted. It's 5:33pm and I could literally go to bed. Right now. I won't. But I absolutely could for sure. Sorry, I know this is completely dull, I've probably put anyone reading this to sleep. Or at least made you yawn a time or two. But I've yawned 20 times that while writing it and I find the content interesting, so I win. I seriously just napped between that section and this one. Send help or caffeine. Or a C-PAP. Something. And again with the dozing off. Ok. I gotta post and rest. See ya.

Back at It

Originally posted December 9th, 2019 Saturday was a rest day. Yesterday was not but I forgot about squats until about 10 at night so I did them in the bathroom before bed. 30 of them. Tonight was 35. I know I said I wouldn't look ahead, but it turns out you actually can't. You can't see the next day until you finish the day before. But after the 35 today I did look at tomorrow and it's 40! I know that's not surprising and yet, 40? My knee tweaks every time on number 28 for the past 3 days. Which is nice if I ever lose count before 28. Unlikely, but still. When I got to 35 though, I was done. And I know 35 isn't a lot but 40 tomorrow I feel like I'm going to struggle. I better be able to crush cans with my butt cheeks when all is said and done with all these squatting shenanigans. I'm watching the Eagles game while watching this. Which, at this point feels like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. And yet, our division is so abysmal this year that we actually still have a chance to make the playoffs. It's a bit ridiculous. Every team is a dumpster fire. So far? They're doing nothing. Against a 2 - 8 team. Absolutely nothing. It's redic. But my Shane Dawson hoodie came today. So there's that. It makes up for the fact that it rained all day today so my solar Christmas lights had to take a sick day. Anyway. That's it. I have a grassland prairie menagerie to take care of in Planet Zoo.

                                         

Friday Brain

Originally posted December 6th, 2019 A quick note from my phone to say I did legit forget today about the squats. It just slipped my mind yesterday but I got to it pretty quick. Today. I've been home over two and a half hours. But it did finally hit me and I did do them. 25 of them. Shocker. Tomorrow is a rest say. It might be here, too. Anyhow. Bye!

Twinkly Lights

Originally Posted December 5th, 2019 I don't think I should have had to do my squats today. I did, mind you, I just don't think I should have had to. My mission was to put up our Christmas lights when I got home. Well, my Christmas lights. My husband doesn't know they exist. Yet. He will in about an hour and a half when he gets home - then they'll be our Christmas lights. For now they're all mine! I'd go out to just look at them if not for what I'm about to discuss. I really wanted to get them up while it was still daylight. I even got out of work early because sometimes my boss just says, "hey, you can cut out early if you want." I don't always when he says it but today was one of those days that I didn't argue and I was gone five minutes later. So, great! I'd actually have some light left when I got home. But then, the lights didn't cooperate while still in the house and I had to let the dogs out and feed them and once I got all of that sorted? Dark. Because it get's dark at roughly 4:45, like a jerk. So, seriously. It was dark. It was cold. It was windy. It seemed like the beginning of a lifetime movie where the girl is outside at an inopportune time and bam! Murdered. At any rate, it was a workout. And I'm still cold. My face and legs are cold to the touch. But it's pretty. The lights. Not my legs and face. Though I'd like to think they are, too. At times. Also? I recommend putting up lights in the dark. (Sans wind and cold). It helps with finding a pleasing aesthetic when using multi-color lights so you don't end up with like a clump of yellow or a clump of red or a bunch of clumps of color making your shrubbery look like it went through a very intense paintball battle. Do people still do paintball? Anyway, you totally get what I'm saying. Today's squat count was 20. I could be going out on a limb here, but I think tomorrow might be 25? We'll have to see. I'm determined not to look ahead so that I'm not freaking out when day 28 is like 155. Or... Wait. No. Like 110? You know I want to look now. But no. NO. Tomorrow might be a rest day. Which is good because I am WIPED OUT after doing 45 squats over 3 days. I jest. I'm trying to figure out the best pattern to get into with updating my measurement. My only measurement. I'm thinking once a month? Maybe every new day 1 of a 30 days squat challenge... or the closest weekend day to a new day 1? Weekly seems a bit... anal? Sorry. The joke was there. I had to make it. But no. I just think there wouldn't be much progress week to week and I might get discouraged and give up. There's no clever thought in my head for how to end this today. It's Friday tomorrow. My creativity and wit usually only hold out until Thursday morning around 10:42. An awkward goodbye and a goobery wave is all I've got left. Maybe a one-armed hug with a cheek kiss that goes awry - because who does that - and I just get either ear or hair. Or worse yet, ear hair. OMG. BYE.

Amy Reads - Ed. 1

Originally posted December 4, 2019 I have a doozy of a commute. 33 miles one way. Traffic. Stop and go. And millions of houses being built every second which adds 1 to 2 more cars per house, it feels like, every single minute. It gives me lots of time. I listen to podcasts, mostly Monday and Tuesday since most of the ones I listen to come out on Mondays. Potterless, Generation Why, Jenna & Julien, Fangasm (which is ending, sadly) and Horse on the frequent occasion the mood strikes me. It's from the same fella that does Potterless. Which Potterless? I'll probably relisten to the whole podcast at some point. It's a guy who started reading the Harry Potter books at 24 (years old - not mile post - or mini-mart) and then comments on them. It was so fun listening to someone react to reading the books for the first time - as an adult. If I could have one wish, well, I'd wish for fifty million dollars, world peace and health and long life for everyone I love. Yes, that's 3 wishes. But if I could have just ONE MORE after that, it would be to have Harry Potter wiped from my mind so I could read them all again for the first time. CRAP! I forgot my squat challenge. That didn't take long. Hold on. Whew. Back. That was a close one. But those 15 squats are done. Anyway, yeah. I'd love to read those books for the first time again. But I digress. On the days I'm not listening to podcasts during the commute, I listen to books. Until I get really tired on the way home, at which time I switch to Pandora and sing my face off. Speaking of Pandora - presently in my earholes is Alanis Morrisette - Jagged Little Pill - because I'd love to go see her and Liz Phair and Garbage this summer however I'm old and need a seat rather than lawn general admission and the cheapest seat ticket is $72. So those ladies can rock it out without me. But it put me in a Jagged Little Pill state of mind. Which the concert tour is the TWENTY-FIFTH anniversary of said album. Let's talk about how old I am for a little while. Speaking of, the flower girl from our wedding who wasn't even two at the time is old enough to drive today. Yeah. So there's that. Anyway! Books. Recently I've read The Institute by Stephen King, which was - I thought - really good. Not gruesome and overly scary like some. And not even like OMG I have to stop reading creepy like 11/22/63. "Jimla" anyone? Egads at that I almost had to put the book down and no, that's not a spoiler. The Institute is creepy in a "Is that happening somewhere?" kind of way. Very good. Then I read The Secret, Book, and Scone Society. It was a fun little read. A little deep here and there but mostly just light and entertaining. The same could be said for the second book in what I found out is a series of this society of women friends, The Whispered Word. These were by Ellery Adams and pretty enjoyable. Today I started The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton today. So far it's interesting? It's caught my attention at any rate. Until two-thirds of the way home when I switched to Pandora and boldy sang to Matchbox 20, Billy Joel, Lisa Loeb, and Suzanne Vega - hello, Tom's Diner. It's been a minute. How are ya? I love books. I'm going through some stuff with my eyes at the beginning of the year and, fingers crossed, I'll actually be able to read the words in books again without have to TRY to read the words in books. That would be completely awesome. Alright. That's enough with the rambling. Me and Alanis are gonna go hang until the husband gets home. "You took me for a joke... you took me for a child... you took a long hard look at my (shrinking) ass and then played golf for awhile......" Note to add: I should probably give the poor bloke's name that I raved about at the beginning in case anyone besides, well, me, ever reads this. Mike Schubert is the creator of Potterless. And Horse. I realized I never said his name. Check him out. He's funny and has great hair. Also? He's not a poor bloke. It was the Brit coming out in me. I'm not British. At all.

Starting Small? Starting Big More Like

Originally posted December 3rd, 2019 I've decided to do a series of 30 day squat challenges. I'm also going to get back to the gym but baby steps. So I downloaded a 30 day squat challenge app of progressively harder 30 day squat challenges and boldly and confidently opened day 1 of the first 30 day challenge and was met with my goal for the day. 10 squats. I'm certainly glad I didn't change into my workout gear first. But I did my 10 squats and so me and my big butt took our first small step - or 10 small squats - into the future. Today was a rough day. Work was rough, after work was rough which included something so nasty in the women's' room at work that I can't even go into it, except to say that the building cleaning person was already gone for the day and I couldn't just leave... things... as they were and I had to clean up the ladies room. It was horrible. Animals. People are animals. I need to chill and rest after my 10 squats. I've come across a ridiculously relaxing computer game called Planet Zoo. Mother plucker is it relaxing! So I'm going to just sit my newly toned butt down and play Planet Zoo and hopefully get me some baby pandas. That's really all I want out of life. Besides the whole butt fitting comfortably in a plane seat dream. That's it. A good butt and baby pandas. Zen level 10 unlocked.

The Spread Is Real

Originally posted Dec 2, 2019 I've been working a desk job now for almost 20 years. And that "secretary spread" thing is legit. Sitting all day and a sedentary lifestyle has taken it's toll. My butt is huge. I don't even know when it happened. I'm not in the habit of looking at my ass. I guess I should. I'm going to be now. See, I hate flying. For just one reason. The seats. They're so tiny and I'm so not and I feel like I'm holding my breath the whole time we're flying for fear of exhaling and giving my neighbor that much less room. That poor sap next to me who also paid good money for their seat and probably isn't pleased that as they walked down the aisle to their seat they realized they were next to the fat girl. I'm always so thrilled when the person next to me is reed thin because then I know I'll be able to breathe normally for the duration of the flight. But those times that I get an average sized person, I just feel like I'm inconveniencing them the whole time. At any rate, I'll be flying in a bit over four months. My butt? 20 inches wide while sitting. American Airlines seats? 17 - 18 inches in coach. Average. And this girl can't afford some fancy pants business class or first class spacious seats. Now I hate math and was never good at it despite my accounting degree, but that does not seem to compute and seems like I will divide my extra mass between smashing up against the fuselage and crowding out the average sized person with the active lifestyle next to me. So starts my adventures. Tales of the Traveling Butt. I wanted to go with Traveling Ass, but if I'm ever famous someday and my mom finds this site, she doesn't need to learn that I curse right at the title. I also like to read. And crochet. And I work. And I'm married. And I have a myriad of animals. Also, my best friend and I are working on a podcast launch. So just in case I needed one more thing to do, I've added this. So congrats, dear reader, or just me, you're getting the last bit of me before I'm officially stretched too thin. I also commute over 2 hours every day. So good luck with reading this. It's most likely going to suck and I'll slack off and not post for 6 months at a time at which point my trip will be over and this will be moot. Buckle up, Buttercup. We're going places. Maybe.