I'm so sad today. I had the day off today. My day off ended 7 minutes ago as I write this. I had plans for today. I had a doctor's appointment that I was actually excited about. I was going to go to the gym on my way home. I wanted to write. I wanted to work on finances. And then? About 8:30 this morning, the sickness started. Until about an hour ago, I couldn't stray more than 25 feet from my home base toilet. I had to scrap all the plans for the day and reschedule my doctor's appointment for President's Day. My next day off. It's just one of those things where you want to say, "Not today Satan! I've got things to do!" But when he tethers you to the loo, there's not much that can be done about it. So I'm ridiculously down and trying to figure out how to salvage the next 6 hours before I have to go to bed and then to work tomorrow. I could actually cry I'm so sad.
Regarding my last post, I realized around midday on the 16th that paying to go to Zumba when I've already paid to go to the gym pretty much flies in the face of Save More. I DID go to the gym the 16th. I don't consider that as letting myself down. More just not sabotaging one goal to achieve another when I have an alternate completely viable option that satisfies both.
I'm so worn out now. And probably dehydrated. What a huge gigantic ball of suck today was.
Monday, January 20, 2020
Wednesday, January 15, 2020
Tomorrow - 01/16/2020
I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba. I'm going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I'm going to Zumba tomorrow. I'm going to Zumba tomorrow. I'm going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I'm going to Zumba tomorrow. I'm going to Zumba tomorrow. I'm going to Zumba tomorrow. I'm going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I am going to Zumba tomorrow. I'm going to Zumba tomorrow.
I'm going to Zumba tomorrow.
That is all.
I'm going to Zumba tomorrow.
That is all.
Tuesday, January 14, 2020
I suppose an update is in order...
let me get my music sorted and then I'll dive in. It's Phantom of the Opera. I've been on a kick with it the past few days. I don't know why.
Ok.
Weigh Less - I'm trying to stay within my ww points each day. Well, "trying". I can't say I'm giving it my solid best. I send my dailies to a friend to try to stay accountable which helps, but I could definitely be putting in more effort. I'm going to have to. I think when I eventually have a sleep study done that I'm not going to have a choice. I think it may be "Lose weight or potentially die in your sleep." Why do things have to get to LITERAL life and death for me before I take action? It's majorly forked up. (Love me some The Good Place). Also, I think when I get blood work done on Monday, it's going to come back and say I'm pre-diabetic. Something that would also be fixed by eating better, exercising and just being less of a physically garbage person.
Save More - I'm spending less. Does that count? I'm trying to figure out the best way to "save". Put it into another account? Take a certain about out of the bank and store it? (Not doing this, don't rob me). Throw money into my Roth IRA or my annuity? I guess that depends on whether I'm saving it to spend it later, like on a cruise, or save it for when I'm 80. I need to figure that out now that I know how much my pay is for this year.
Social Media Less - Ok, so far, I'm succeeding most bigly on this one. Facebook is off of my phone and I rarely get on it even in the evening for more than like 5 or 10 minutes. So weird. Something that sucked away so much of my time. I'm still on Twitter and Insta, but neither of them was ever the time suck that I allowed it to become.
Write More - This is a mixed bag. I'm creatively writing 3 - 4 times a week for 30 minutes or more. It's not the 7 days I want to work up to, but it's way more that I've done ever and I do have a bit of a story forming. I'm journaling when I remember (this is not often, last entry... the 6th). And my last post here was 5 days ago.
Weigh less and Write More are definitely where I need the most improvement. Social Media Less seems to really be taking care of itself without having regular access to FB. Save More needs to be fine tuned a bit but spending less is a huge first step.
Weigh Less - Y'all I am exhausted all the time. Literally, all the time. I had my pajamas on at 6 and will be climbing into bed when this is post is over. I wanted to go to the gym 3 times a week. I've missed the last 48 times. I wanted to Zumba twice a week. I went once. I mean now. I went lots when I went... before. My husband asked if I slept better when I exercised. And you know? Probably. I did everything better when I exercised, but I don't ever remember being so tired before I started exercising. I had LITERALLY half the blood in my body I was supposed to and I feel more tired every day now than I did back then before surgery. It's ridiculously frustrating. Every day at some point during the day I'm like, I'll go to the gym after work. Or I'll go to Zumba after work if it's a Zumba day. But then I fight sleep all the way home and do not have it within me to get the dogs taken care of and then change and get my water ready and go. Which is just DUMB. Zumba is one hour of my life and it takes less than 10 minutes to get there. 8 minutes. Less than 5 miles away. And the gym? That may even be closer. It's not. It's actually a full 10 minutes and a full 5 miles. And there are massage beds and chairs there. Hello. I DRIVE 66 MILES ROUND TRIP FOR WORK. I can't drive 9 miles or 10 miles FOR MY HEALTH? Seriously, there's something actually wrong with my brain, I think.
I was going to talk more about Write More, but I think I'm just going to go to bed. Ugh.
Ok.
Weigh Less - I'm trying to stay within my ww points each day. Well, "trying". I can't say I'm giving it my solid best. I send my dailies to a friend to try to stay accountable which helps, but I could definitely be putting in more effort. I'm going to have to. I think when I eventually have a sleep study done that I'm not going to have a choice. I think it may be "Lose weight or potentially die in your sleep." Why do things have to get to LITERAL life and death for me before I take action? It's majorly forked up. (Love me some The Good Place). Also, I think when I get blood work done on Monday, it's going to come back and say I'm pre-diabetic. Something that would also be fixed by eating better, exercising and just being less of a physically garbage person.
Save More - I'm spending less. Does that count? I'm trying to figure out the best way to "save". Put it into another account? Take a certain about out of the bank and store it? (Not doing this, don't rob me). Throw money into my Roth IRA or my annuity? I guess that depends on whether I'm saving it to spend it later, like on a cruise, or save it for when I'm 80. I need to figure that out now that I know how much my pay is for this year.
Social Media Less - Ok, so far, I'm succeeding most bigly on this one. Facebook is off of my phone and I rarely get on it even in the evening for more than like 5 or 10 minutes. So weird. Something that sucked away so much of my time. I'm still on Twitter and Insta, but neither of them was ever the time suck that I allowed it to become.
Write More - This is a mixed bag. I'm creatively writing 3 - 4 times a week for 30 minutes or more. It's not the 7 days I want to work up to, but it's way more that I've done ever and I do have a bit of a story forming. I'm journaling when I remember (this is not often, last entry... the 6th). And my last post here was 5 days ago.
Weigh less and Write More are definitely where I need the most improvement. Social Media Less seems to really be taking care of itself without having regular access to FB. Save More needs to be fine tuned a bit but spending less is a huge first step.
Weigh Less - Y'all I am exhausted all the time. Literally, all the time. I had my pajamas on at 6 and will be climbing into bed when this is post is over. I wanted to go to the gym 3 times a week. I've missed the last 48 times. I wanted to Zumba twice a week. I went once. I mean now. I went lots when I went... before. My husband asked if I slept better when I exercised. And you know? Probably. I did everything better when I exercised, but I don't ever remember being so tired before I started exercising. I had LITERALLY half the blood in my body I was supposed to and I feel more tired every day now than I did back then before surgery. It's ridiculously frustrating. Every day at some point during the day I'm like, I'll go to the gym after work. Or I'll go to Zumba after work if it's a Zumba day. But then I fight sleep all the way home and do not have it within me to get the dogs taken care of and then change and get my water ready and go. Which is just DUMB. Zumba is one hour of my life and it takes less than 10 minutes to get there. 8 minutes. Less than 5 miles away. And the gym? That may even be closer. It's not. It's actually a full 10 minutes and a full 5 miles. And there are massage beds and chairs there. Hello. I DRIVE 66 MILES ROUND TRIP FOR WORK. I can't drive 9 miles or 10 miles FOR MY HEALTH? Seriously, there's something actually wrong with my brain, I think.
I was going to talk more about Write More, but I think I'm just going to go to bed. Ugh.
Thursday, January 9, 2020
Riding the WW wagon
In the age of my life where I've been overweight, pretty much from 19 until current, I have just one time lost weight successfully and that was the time I spent on weight watchers. I know it's WW now, but it'll always be weight watchers to me.
Before the discovery that I was walking around with half the blood circling around my body than I was supposed to I was successfully losing weight. And doing it so well. I think I was down just about 20 pounds in 3 months when I had to go to the hospital to be transfused. And then I just thought I'd almost died and I spent the previous 3 months worried about what I ate. It seemed so trivial. So then, despite my knowledge that surgery recovery would be made easier weighing less, I spent the next five months eating all the things. I went into surgery up the 20 pounds I lost, plus. After that, I couldn't exercise even if I wanted to for 12 weeks. By the time all that was over, I was FULLY out of the swing of things and up just about 34 pounds from the weight I'd been working so hard to get to.
At any rate, I'm back to doing ww. It was easy. It was flexible. It was fine. So I'm back to it.
Before the discovery that I was walking around with half the blood circling around my body than I was supposed to I was successfully losing weight. And doing it so well. I think I was down just about 20 pounds in 3 months when I had to go to the hospital to be transfused. And then I just thought I'd almost died and I spent the previous 3 months worried about what I ate. It seemed so trivial. So then, despite my knowledge that surgery recovery would be made easier weighing less, I spent the next five months eating all the things. I went into surgery up the 20 pounds I lost, plus. After that, I couldn't exercise even if I wanted to for 12 weeks. By the time all that was over, I was FULLY out of the swing of things and up just about 34 pounds from the weight I'd been working so hard to get to.
At any rate, I'm back to doing ww. It was easy. It was flexible. It was fine. So I'm back to it.
Saturday, January 4, 2020
20/20 in 2020?
Had my first eye appointment of the year. I haven't really said much about it other than I hope that there are good things in store for my eyes this year and my hope to be able to hold and read a printed book again soon. An hour and a half. Here's the thing. I have keratoconus. I know you've not heard of it. Not unless you have it, too, in which case - I see you, albeit blurrily - and I know the struggle. Do you want to understand keratoconus? If so, read on. If not, just close this now and wait for my next post, which I am pretty sure will be Amy Reads Ep. 3.
The drawing to the left is a normal eye. The cornea is a disc shape. As information and images come into a normal eye it all funnels to a center point to give a nice clear image to the brain. While vision issues can diminish how clear that image is, I have that, along with the drawing on the right. My corneas are misshapen. They're coning or peaking in places. When information comes into my eyeballs it goes all over the place. Those points seem spread out, but in something as small as an eyeball they're actually close together. But not EXACTLY together. For me when I see a "1", I don't see a single crisp, clear "1". I see a "1" with about 20 other 1's just slightly askew from each other. Making a very unclear "1". Or maybe it's an L. Or a T. Or a light pole. Or a tree? I was diagnosed 12 years ago. Since then, except for 1 year when I was wearing just glasses - I don't know how and I'm glad I didn't die. Either in a car accident or by thinking I was plugging my charger into an outlet when I was actually holding a fork. Anyway. I was wearing hard contact lenses. They helped a lot in that they forced my cornea into the correct shape. Mostly. It helped a lot. It also has caused a lot of scarring on my eyes. And the coning kept progressing anyway. For the last 6 months, I've been wearing hard lenses on top of soft lenses. While easier on my eyeballs, 1. it's a pain in the ass to take care of 4 contact lenses. 2. My eyes don't like wearing 4 contact lenses and after going 41 years without ever scratching a cornea, I've had 3 scratched corneas in 6 months.
What I'm getting are called scleral lenses. They are also hard lenses like what I have now but they are BIG. When you see the special effects in movies or whatnot where like an actor's whole eye socket is black or red or just completely wrong looking? Those are scleral lenses. Or CGI. But if it's not CGI, it's these lenses. They aren't doing anything for their vision, like they will for mine. But that's the size. Instead of sitting ON my corneas, they don't touch my corneas at all. They sit on the white part of my eyes. The sclera. They sit on the white part and form a perfect dome that is above my corneas and don't touch them. Between my corneas and the lens is sterile saline solution. Nothing will be touching my eyes at all. My doctor has seen people with really bad scarring actually heal from the scarring because the eyeballs are getting a chance to finally heal without something on them ALL the time. The perfect disc shape of the lenses gives my eyes like a faux perfect surface.
So I got fitted for scleral lenses today. They'll be ordered Monday and in a week or two they'll be in and I'll go in to be fitted again and take them with me in my eyeballs. I'm not going to be 20/20. That was the hope. But I can't be with the scarring. My doctor has high hopes, though, that my eyes WILL heal and in 60 days I can have my vision re-evaluated and perhaps changes made to the prescription of my lenses.
That's what's going on. I'm very hopeful. I just want to be able to see without working to see. I can see most things if I concentrate long enough and alternate several times between squinting my eyes and opening them really wide. Mind you, that's what I have to do to read just one line of letters on an eye chart. Reading a book, no way. Differentiating quickly between 6's and 8's? Nope. Not happening. Hopefully all of that will become a thing of the past. Fingers crossed.
Apologies for the painfully dull post today. Granted, I think it's fascinating. But I should. They're my abnormal eyeballs after all. I did warn you going in, though.
Next post might be Amy Reads Ed. 3, but I've only read one book since the last one. I'll have to go back and look at Ed. 2 to see where I left off. If it's only one book, I might wait. We'll see!! Ooooooh! Suspense!
Ok, for those of you still with me. I'm going to put two very crudely drawn pictures here:
What I'm getting are called scleral lenses. They are also hard lenses like what I have now but they are BIG. When you see the special effects in movies or whatnot where like an actor's whole eye socket is black or red or just completely wrong looking? Those are scleral lenses. Or CGI. But if it's not CGI, it's these lenses. They aren't doing anything for their vision, like they will for mine. But that's the size. Instead of sitting ON my corneas, they don't touch my corneas at all. They sit on the white part of my eyes. The sclera. They sit on the white part and form a perfect dome that is above my corneas and don't touch them. Between my corneas and the lens is sterile saline solution. Nothing will be touching my eyes at all. My doctor has seen people with really bad scarring actually heal from the scarring because the eyeballs are getting a chance to finally heal without something on them ALL the time. The perfect disc shape of the lenses gives my eyes like a faux perfect surface.
So I got fitted for scleral lenses today. They'll be ordered Monday and in a week or two they'll be in and I'll go in to be fitted again and take them with me in my eyeballs. I'm not going to be 20/20. That was the hope. But I can't be with the scarring. My doctor has high hopes, though, that my eyes WILL heal and in 60 days I can have my vision re-evaluated and perhaps changes made to the prescription of my lenses.
That's what's going on. I'm very hopeful. I just want to be able to see without working to see. I can see most things if I concentrate long enough and alternate several times between squinting my eyes and opening them really wide. Mind you, that's what I have to do to read just one line of letters on an eye chart. Reading a book, no way. Differentiating quickly between 6's and 8's? Nope. Not happening. Hopefully all of that will become a thing of the past. Fingers crossed.
Apologies for the painfully dull post today. Granted, I think it's fascinating. But I should. They're my abnormal eyeballs after all. I did warn you going in, though.
Next post might be Amy Reads Ed. 3, but I've only read one book since the last one. I'll have to go back and look at Ed. 2 to see where I left off. If it's only one book, I might wait. We'll see!! Ooooooh! Suspense!
Wednesday, January 1, 2020
This Is Not A Drill...
It's here. That new year that I've been talking about for awhile now. It's here. It's happened. There is no need for panic. I mean, I'm panicking, but there's no need for it. Just any time there's a chance that I can panic. I'm gonna. I don't even need to be at the disco to do it. But I'm trying not to panic. Unsuccessfully. But I'm trying. Yes, yes I did eat my body weight in WW points today, which I don't think that's the actual goal. I think it's more like golf than bowling with the whole points thing. Although, if there's a way to eat the most points with the least amount of food? Well, then I win. Just give me all the peanut butter.
I digress. I actually did my writing today. Both creatively and journalingly. And now blog postingly. That's a good bit of writing to do every day. Day in and day out. Though this won't be every day here. I have things to say, but golly, not that much. But if I'm going to be a writer I have to write. I'm sure in time it'll be my new normal. It is quite a bit of writing. I think it'll be good though.
I'm feeling a bit under the weather, which is apropos for me for winter, especially with the temperatures being so erratic. I think I'm going to try to go to Zumba tomorrow. To the gym if there's no Zumba. I imagine the gym will be packed until all the new year's resolutionaries lose their enthusiasm and will to go on. (Me.) I would assume March. That's when the most drop-offs happen in the resolution world. People should make resolutions on any random Tuesday. Then it's not such an EVENT. Says the woman who has made 4 resolutions. Two of the 4 are going alright, 21 hours in. In all fairness, I've not much of a chance to Save More as of yet. I bought some new deodorant, so technically, I guess I'm failing by $14. But seriously, I don't count deodorant as a frivolous spend. I guarantee people around me don't, either.
So, I just wanted to look this morning to see if Friends really was gone from Netflix. (It is.) In so doing, I saw The Good Place. Which I've not seen. I watched 5 episodes this morning and I'm going to try to get in one or two right now after I climb into jammies and into bed.
Have an absolutely splendid 2020. I know I fully intend to.
I digress. I actually did my writing today. Both creatively and journalingly. And now blog postingly. That's a good bit of writing to do every day. Day in and day out. Though this won't be every day here. I have things to say, but golly, not that much. But if I'm going to be a writer I have to write. I'm sure in time it'll be my new normal. It is quite a bit of writing. I think it'll be good though.
I'm feeling a bit under the weather, which is apropos for me for winter, especially with the temperatures being so erratic. I think I'm going to try to go to Zumba tomorrow. To the gym if there's no Zumba. I imagine the gym will be packed until all the new year's resolutionaries lose their enthusiasm and will to go on. (Me.) I would assume March. That's when the most drop-offs happen in the resolution world. People should make resolutions on any random Tuesday. Then it's not such an EVENT. Says the woman who has made 4 resolutions. Two of the 4 are going alright, 21 hours in. In all fairness, I've not much of a chance to Save More as of yet. I bought some new deodorant, so technically, I guess I'm failing by $14. But seriously, I don't count deodorant as a frivolous spend. I guarantee people around me don't, either.
So, I just wanted to look this morning to see if Friends really was gone from Netflix. (It is.) In so doing, I saw The Good Place. Which I've not seen. I watched 5 episodes this morning and I'm going to try to get in one or two right now after I climb into jammies and into bed.
Have an absolutely splendid 2020. I know I fully intend to.
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